Marriage and Women: Society tells us that men must be successful to be men, that we should never threaten the ego of the man whose care is in our hands, and that to be more successful than our husbands will threaten his ego. |
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1997 |
| Women and Issues of a Woman |
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Marriage
and Women: Prince Who? |
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By Lori Anderson |
Women and Marriage: Some of us still believe that Prince Charming will rescue us. More information about women and issues of a woman:
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Many of us have also put a self-imposed
ceiling on our career advancement. We want to advance just far enough and fast enough to
feel valuable without threatening our significant other's ego. Will it threaten his ego? We aren't sure but we do listen to Society. Society tells us that men must be successful to be men. Society tells us we should never threaten the ego of the man whose care is in our hands. Society tells us that we must not be more successful than our husbands or we will threaten his ego. Some of us even take it one step further. Although we are doing an excellent job of supporting ourselves, we seek a husband who is more successful than we are. Why? Maybe we can't chance upsetting any balance in our work and personal lives. Maybe we are listening to our mothers or grandmothers. Maybe we are listening to all of those people that comprise Society with a capital S. Maybe we are still inviting fantasy characters and fairy tales into our lives. Some of us still believe that Prince Charming will rescue us. Rescue us from what? Well, we're not sure. But we keep watching for him, even when we don't know exactly what rescue we hope Prince Charming will perform! Is this conscious or unconscious? Almost always unconscious, yet it influences our decisions because it is so ingrained. Loretta Ferrier, Ph.D., in her book Dance of the Selves writes, "You have inherited these fairy tales, whether you believe in them or not. No matter how liberated you think you are, this inheritance may be your bane as you struggle to maintain your sense of self. Even as we verbally embrace equality in intelligence, physical prowess, and independence in both men and women, we often secretly long to be like the wondrous characters we find in fairy tales, living out these fables in our own lives. Despite their own strength, many women still unconsciously search for a Prince Charming to rescue them. Sensitive men who have more interest in literature than fixing cars often chastise themselves for not fulfilling the quintessential hero image. Our inability to fit the image of our inner fairy tale or to find the perfect fairy tale relationship brings us much grief and pain." |
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