Marriage and Women: Marriage is an institution of Society. Like all other institutions, it does not truly welcome women or even the voices of women. 

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Women and Issues of a Woman

Marriage: Why Is It So Unhappy for So Many Women?
Marriage and Women: A Series

By Lori Anderson

Women and Marriage:  Marriage welcomes a fantasy of woman, however; one that a capitalistic Society built to give freedom to its instigators.

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Let's face it, marriage is an institution of Society. Like all other institutions, the military, the church, and even the institutes of higher learning, it does not truly welcome women or even the voices of women.

Take the Christian religion  for example. What women are held up as examples?

You guessed it: the Virgin Mary and Eve. Choice: be the virgin Mary or a near facsimile thereof or be the fallen Eve, wicked, and leading poor, helpless men astray.

Marriage welcomes a fantasy of woman, however; one that a capitalistic Society built to give freedom to its instigators.

Society has a stake in keeping a woman a Wife with a capital "W."  Thus, women are beginning to realize the role of Wife has little to offer them.

How and why did this happen?

In the eighteenth century, there began to appear conduct books for wives. This coincided with the industrial revolution.

From those conduct books rose a picture of and a role for our society's idea of a Wife. Capitalism modified that role to suit its progress.

The growth of media in the 1800s mass-produced a picture of that women.

A picture that satisfied a capitalistic Society.

A picture that in many different ways, women are expected and coerced to follow.

A picture that most men expect and endeavor to find.

A picture that is killing marriage in today's society.

Most thinking men agree they will not have happy marriage until the woman is happy too. I have seen repeatedly that the teachings of Society must be overcome in a marriage for the women to be happy.

Some unhappy women may get trapped in marriage but the statistics say that over 75% of unhappy women leave marriage. Once out of marriage, they either don't remarry or leave the second and third marriage, too.

A man of my acquaintance said to me with some bitterness, "Women's lib came about because a few women went to college and  gave other  women some crazy ideas about identity. Then they all  went crazy.  These women forgot they made a promise to their  husbands when  they married.  They need to honor those  promises and be mothers  to  children  and help their  husbands. Their  identity should come from that."

Wow! I was speechless. And this did not come from the mouth of a man in his 50s or 60s. This man was 42 years old.

I often think men believe if women gain something, they will lose something. And if they don't lose something, their sons will lose something. This is typical thinking when any minority wants to "leave its proper place."

However, men will not lose anything of importance. They will gain happy wives. They will gain happy daughters.

Their sons, instead of being divorced, will be happily married and raising intact families.

Without hearing Society and its whisperings, the sons will not expect the same things their fathers and grandfathers had. They will be happy because their wives are happy, not because their wives are submissive and perfect.

Despite the opinions of Gallagher and a few other authors like her, the marriage she wants Society to "fix" will only be strengthened with the cooperation of women.

The woman is off the farm; the genie is out of the bottle.

The new marriage will have to produce a happy woman or she will not stay in that marriage. Just as she is not staying now.  Just as when she leaves, she is often choosing not to  return to marriage. Just as if she does return to marriage, she often  leaves again. 

What do women want? Apparently not what Society with a capital "S" wants for women. Men are confused; women are confused. And that will be the focus of my next few articles.

I think both men and women want happy marriages. So this series of articles will not be a series of "male bashings." I believe men are as much victims of Society and its seductive whisperings as women are. We will all have to work together to build a new marriage that is happy and fulfilling for both women and men for marriage to last.

 

 

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But first we must understand why marriage as our Society touts it now will not work for the woman of today.

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Back to Women's Web Index
CyberParent Home

For Women Only Directory Letters from Women Marriage and Women: Directory of Series:
Magic Pill Work vs. Home Work Why Are Women Leaving Marriage in Droves?
Loneliness Women Need to Work What's In Marriage for Women?
Happy Face Women and Abuse Why Is Marriage Unhappy for So Many Women?
I Should But I Can't Questions for Brides Early History of Marriage
Scents and Fragrances Silent Contracts 19th Century Marriage
Sleep Directory of Series: Men & Sex
for women.
The 1950s Hangover!
Men and Women Talk Men and Sex in Today's Society. Crossroads for Marriage
Book Reviews Men Use Sex to Connect. Prince Who?
Martyrs and Mothers Men Relate Through Sex. Happy Wives Make Happy Husbands!
Are You Depressed? Men & Sexual Rejections by Women Random Thoughts on Marriage
Setting Limits in Relationships. Male Sexual Attitudes, Fantasies, Masturbation.  
Your Attitudes and Behaviors Lust and Getting Lucky  
Test Those Nagging Doubts About Your Relationship    

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