Marriage and Women: Marriage is an institution of Society. Like all other institutions, it does not truly welcome women or even the voices of women. |
Family Site Since
1997 |
Marriage and Women: Marriage is an institution of Society. Like all other institutions, it does not truly welcome women or even the voices of women. |
Family Site Since
1997 |
| Women and Issues of a Woman |
|
Marriage:
Why Is It So Unhappy for So Many Women? |
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By Lori Anderson |
Women and Marriage: Marriage welcomes a fantasy of woman, however; one that a capitalistic Society built to give freedom to its instigators. More information about women and issues of a woman:
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Let's face it, marriage is an institution of Society. Like all
other institutions, the military, the church, and even the institutes of higher learning,
it does not truly welcome women or even the voices of women. Take the Christian religion for example. What women are held up as examples? You guessed it: the Virgin Mary and Eve. Choice: be the virgin Mary or a near facsimile thereof or be the fallen Eve, wicked, and leading poor, helpless men astray. Marriage welcomes a fantasy of woman, however; one that a capitalistic Society built to give freedom to its instigators.Society has a stake in keeping a woman a Wife with a capital "W." Thus, women are beginning to realize the role of Wife has little to offer them. How and why did this happen? In the eighteenth century, there began to appear conduct books for wives. This coincided with the industrial revolution. From those conduct books rose a picture of and a role for our society's idea of a Wife. Capitalism modified that role to suit its progress. The growth of media in the 1800s mass-produced a picture of that women. A picture that satisfied a capitalistic Society. A picture that in many different ways, women are expected and coerced to follow. A picture that most men expect and endeavor to find. A picture that is killing marriage in today's society. Most thinking men agree they will not have happy marriage until the woman is happy too. I have seen repeatedly that the teachings of Society must be overcome in a marriage for the women to be happy. Some unhappy women may get trapped in marriage but the statistics say that over 75% of unhappy women leave marriage. Once out of marriage, they either don't remarry or leave the second and third marriage, too. A man of my acquaintance said to me with some bitterness, "Women's lib came about because a few women went to college and gave other women some crazy ideas about identity. Then they all went crazy. These women forgot they made a promise to their husbands when they married. They need to honor those promises and be mothers to children and help their husbands. Their identity should come from that." Wow! I was speechless. And this did not come from the mouth of a man in his 50s or 60s. This man was 42 years old. I often think men believe if women gain something, they will lose something. And if they don't lose something, their sons will lose something. This is typical thinking when any minority wants to "leave its proper place." However, men will not lose anything of importance. They will gain happy wives. They will gain happy daughters. Their sons, instead of being divorced, will be happily married and raising intact families. Without hearing Society and its whisperings, the sons will not expect the same things their fathers and grandfathers had. They will be happy because their wives are happy, not because their wives are submissive and perfect. Despite the opinions of Gallagher and a few other authors like her, the marriage she wants Society to "fix" will only be strengthened with the cooperation of women. The woman is off the farm; the genie is out of the bottle. The new marriage will have to produce a happy woman or she will not stay in that marriage. Just as she is not staying now. Just as when she leaves, she is often choosing not to return to marriage. Just as if she does return to marriage, she often leaves again. What do women want? Apparently not what Society with a capital "S" wants for women. Men are confused; women are confused. And that will be the focus of my next few articles. I think both men and women want happy marriages. So this series of articles will not be a series of "male bashings." I believe men are as much victims of Society and its seductive whisperings as women are. We will all have to work together to build a new marriage that is happy and fulfilling for both women and men for marriage to last. |
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