Stepparents' feedback and questions about being a stepparent. Letters from CyberParent readers.

I'm looking for some advice on how to talk to my stepdaughter about who I am to her. She thinks I'm "Mommy." Her biological mother has been out of her life since she was 2years old. I met her father when she was about 2 1/2 and we married a year later.

She is now 8 yrs. old and we think that we need to talk to her about it but we are not sure how to go about it. Any advice would help.

Thank you
Stepmom

Cyberparent,

I have 2 boys of my own 24yrs. & 21 yrs., my boyfriend & I are living together but plan on getting married. He has 3 children a girl  24 yrs. old, a girl 22 yrs. old & a boy 20 yrs. old.

None of these children live with us. My boyfriend & I have been together for about 3 1/2 yrs. & moved to a new town. I got very depressed because I didn't know anyone but now we are starting to meet people. I don't think he is as sociable as I am & I sometimes wonder if we are going to compliment one another like I had thought originally.

I used to be shy when I was younger but as I got older I started to come out of my shell. Now I feel like I am starting all over again with my confidence with people & have a hard time just being natural. Sometimes I find it uncomfortable trying to communicate with him & his kids. I keep praying that as time goes on I will not feel this way but sometimes I feel like I just want to run the other way.

My kids & I were always close & it's hard not to want to be close with his kids too. 

Can you give me any advice because we are talking about marriage & we are going to talk with our preacher before we take the big step. I was married before for 20 years & my ex-husband had some addiction issues, mental abuse, & was a man who was very emotional & yelled a lot. My boyfriend is just the opposite but sometimes I almost think he is to serious. Maybe you can just shed a little light on the subject.

I know we can't change people. At first I thought he was antisocial, although he never complained about going to things with my family & now we found a church together & found friends but in the back of my mind the quietness still kind of bugs me. What would you suggest that I do about not letting this bother me that much & just be myself. I think I expect everything to be exciting all the time & I know that's not normal. I find myself having a hard time making conversation with other people & ended up quitting my job because I became to depressed & couldn't talk to people and started having problems with severe anxiety.

I am doctoring with a doctor but I would like to resolve these things. So I can feel comfortable with myself again.

There are other things in the family that are also going on with sickness & one of my children has an addiction problem that I have been dealing with for 6 years. The church & the people have actually helped me the most more
than any counselor has but there still is the marriage thing that I want to make sure. I failed once & I don't want to go down that path again. If you have any feedback about adult children in new marriages please write me.

Jan

I will soon be inheriting a stepson who is 14 years old. I feel as
though we have already bonded, but as far as parenting a 14 year old,
I'm lost. I have two kids that are 6 and 7 that adore him as well.

Before I played a role in Allen's life, he and his father ate out nearly
every night. I've tried to put a stop to that by making appealing
dinners and special treats include eating out once or twice a week. He
gets frustrated sometimes and wants to eat out more often. He thinks
money grows on trees.

He's so easy to be a friend to, but I have to learn to be a parent as
well. Furthermore, he's at an age where he's no longer a child, but not
an adult either. That's where I get confused. I'm not sure to include
or exclude him in many adult matters.

Help!

Kindest regards,

Terrie K
St. Louis, MO

More letters

Return to Stepparents Directory.

Contact
Copyright © 1997-2006 CyberParent. All rights reserved.
Certain images: Copyright © 1994-1996. T-Maker Company. All rights reserved.
Many photographs, letters, questions, answers, and items of advice in the StepParent Web were submitted by our surfers. We thank you for participating.

Note: The opinions expressed herein are exclusively those of the writers and do not necessarily reflect the position of CyberParent. They are not intended to take the place of advice of a health professional whose advice you might need to seek.