Single-Parents

Single Parents' Discussion Web  Single parents discuss their problems and celebrate their victories!

Proactive Change: Do something about your life! Have you ever noticed that some people try to slip through  life sideways? It is like they don't want anyone to notice them. Not much ever happens to these people. Their life is on   permanent hold. Don't wait for things to happen to you. They probably won't! Be proactive. Set goals. Make your life happen.

Basics of Single Parenting

By Jan Wilson

Unless there is a family fortune allowing a single parent to remain at home, single families are characterized by a working parent. Although this is not ideal, and often stressful for both the parent and the child, working moms or dads can still spend lots of quality time with their children.

The following tips make it easier to be both a loving and a competent single parent.

After work spend the first few minutes at home connecting with your children. Sit on the couch together and talk or giggle. Let them feel your love and concern for them.

After a few minutes, you can all go about your part in preparing dinner. Those first few minutes of bonding will remind them you care.

After dinner, devote part of the evening to your children. Make that time special.

If you have small children, sit on the floor with them. Color, read, sing, or just talk.

If you have older children, you can play a game, take a walk together, or, again, just sit and talk.

Don't use the time for lectures or criticism; use it for bonding and building your child's self-esteem.

Let your children help you prepare for morning. They can lay out their clothes, place school materials in a central location, and plan their own breakfast. Preplanning and organization takes some of the frenzy out of morning routines.

Make bedtime the most special time of the day. Read a story, have a brief chat about tomorrow, or develop your own special routine.

Make certain the last moment of the day is an enjoyable one. It is much better to end the day with a hug and a smile than an argument.

Week-ends are always hectic in a single-parent home. Saturday in particular can be a nightmare of chores and cleaning. It can also become a quality family time with some prior planning.

Allow each child to help with the Saturday chores and errands. Although it is usually quicker to do it yourself, children love to impress their parents.

After they have done a particular chore several times, they will actually become a time saver for you.

Don't forget to show your gratitude for their help. No one wants to be the family slave.

While it is true that a parent's job is to socialize their children, pick on a few things at a time. Decide what is important to you and the children's future, and pursue those three or four items consistently. Let other, less important, problems slide until another time.

Get up a little early on Sunday morning. Let it be an unspoken rule that anything can be talked about at that time without Mom or Dad launching into a lecture or falling off the couch in shock. Give your children that time to discuss anything that is worrying them.

Realize that there will be many times that are less-than-perfect There is no reason to feel guilty about those times. If children feel loved, they can take tense times in stride.

And keep part of each week for yourself. Allow time for friends, dating, keeping fit, chilling out, and grooming.

A pager is an excellent way to stay in touch with your child while you are away. Knowing he/she can reach you when necessary gives your child's confidence. Of course, it is important to have ground rules about the pager so that a privilege will not be abused.

Again, it is easy to feel guilty when you are a single parent, particularly when you take time for yourself.

Just remember that a happy, relaxed parent is best for any child!

Do something about your life!

Have you ever noticed that some people try to slip through  life sideways? It is like they don't want anyone to notice them.

Not much ever happens to these people. Their life is on  permanent hold.

The easiest way to be single is to put your life on hold.  It is also the most certain path to depression.

Don't wait for things to happen to you. They probably won't!

In fact, the most likely thing to happen to <169>waiters<170>  is nothing.

Be proactive. Set goals. Make your life happen.

According to David Burns, M.D., people are <169>doers.<170>  Consequently, you can substantially change the way you feel by changing the way you act.

Most people feel better immediately if they do anything  at all.

Any action brings a feeling of accomplishment; a feeling  of getting off dead-center.

However, there are three ways you can overwhelm yourself  into doing nothing about your dating life:

1. You magnify the fear of rejection or other dating problems until dating seems an impossible task to tackle.

2. You assume you have to do everything at once: buy new clothes,  get fit, lose weight, meet the opposite sex, learn to dance, etc.  Break the dating process into small manageable units you can complete  one step at a time.

3. You obsess about everything you have to do and have  not yet done until you are paralyzed.

Try this. List three ways you can be proactive in your  life in the next two months.

Break each way into weekly <169>to-do<170> lists or steps.  Each time you complete a step, give yourself a big pat on the back.

Don't expect perfection. If you can never settle for anyone  short of perfect, you will defeat yourself and continually settle  for nothing.

Don't fear failure. If you evaluate yourself strictly on  the outcome, rather than your personal effort during the dating process,  your self-esteem takes a beating with each rejection.

All you can  ever control is your personal input into the process. You can't control  the outcome.

Once you concentrate on the process itself, rather than  the outcome of each date, you can learn from mistakes, attempt to correct them in the future, and take yourself off the emotional roller-coaster  of the dating world. 

And remember this. Young women are more likely to put their dating life on hold than young men are. That is because women are often raised to wait for things to happen to them, rather than make  things happen.

Men are usually raised to make things happen.

This doesn't mean men can't be aggressive in work and leave  play and dating to chance. It certainly happens.

In summary, both sexes can put their dating life on hold.  But young women are more likely to put their life on the back burner. This unfortunate trait fades as women age and the supply of men shrinks.

So, take your life off the back burner and hit the ground running! As with everything else in life, the choice is yours.