Love is something that you do; love is not something you get "right." Love is a mystery to be lived. The loves in our life are our relationships.
Love and Chemistry
R.L. "Bob" Carver
Love and loving: Are you someone who makes others glad they are who they are? If your answer is YES, then you will find love in your relationships. Ask your partner what he/she needs to feel loved.
|With all the self-help books that tell us how to get love
"right," even give us advice on how to make love "right," why is it
that we still can't get our relationships "right?"
Is it true that men and women speak different love languages? Are men really from Mars and women really from Venus when relationships are concerned?
No matter how well intended these books are, they have severe limitations. Most
are assumptions about love and relationships with no real basis in clinical evidence.
A stable relationship is characterized by people who understand that love is something that you do; it is not something you get "right." It is a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved.
We are all human and that means we are not perfect. We have our limitations and we always will.
Happiness is a route that will "happen." You can't be happy if you
aren't doing something positive.
Here are some thoughts that may help guide you through the tough times:
2. Language. Language itself, by its very nature, causes problems. No two people understand a statement the same way. Ask this question, "Can you explain what you mean." This question can clear up many misunderstandings.
Dating with Kids
Local Singles Webs
Love Poems & Quotes
Lying and Dating
SOLO for Singles
Baby's Sign Language
Be a Matchmaker
Choose Personal Matchmaker
Discipline Your Child
Esteem for Children
Games for Kids
Gender Understanding Girls: Parenting
Love & Chemistry
Love & Marriage
Music & More Music
Teach Kids Right/Wrong
Teens: by/for teens
Toys for Kids
Travel with Kids
Dating/Meeting Tips for Singles
Love & Romance Tips
Math/Science Fun for Kids
Stay in Touch with Kids-Grandkids
3. Relationship rules. Relationship rules have to be negotiated regarding work, play, money, and sex. She believes in working till you drop; he believes that enough is enough. She want opera; he wants to go to the football game. She wants sex occasionally; he wants it often. Negotiate!
4. Selfishness. People want to have their own way. Trade out so both of you get your needs met in the relationship.
5. Wounds. Wounds, from past relationships or family, projected into your current relationship will cause problems. Big ones. He/ she is different, better we hope, because we have learned from our past mistakes and don't want to repeat them.
6. Differences: Sex differences and idiosyncratic differences and differences of personality. The more you have in common, the better chance you have of making it together.
7. Self-esteem. The level of solid self-esteem each person has achieved will make a big difference. If you don't like you, then why should anyone else?
8. Familiarity, boredom and routine. 150 years ago marriages lasted 15 years. With today's life expectancy a marriage can last many times that long. Women know more about romance than men. But women can teach us; most of us are willing to learn, especially when we know the rewards.
9. Controlling. Controlling another's friends, time, or anything else will create major blocks and place barriers between partners.
10. Jealousy. Jealously is truly a Green-Eyed Monster that
will cause relationships to fail. Jealousy is based in fear and seldom based in reality.
Fear is defined as False Evidence Appearing Real, not reality.
The above are causes of many needless breakups. If you mistrust, want to control, have contempt for and/or withdraw from your partner, then you are headed towards trouble in your relationship. Everyone needs to feel trusted, appreciated, and loved.
You can think, and know, you are "right," and still be wrong.
Right and wrong are not what counts in a relationship. This counts: Does it work, and
if it doesn't work, how can we fix it so both parties feel good about themselves?
An old saying that I want to leave you with is," When someone makes you feel good about being who you are, that is the person you want to be with more and more."
Are you someone who makes others glad they are who they are?
If your answer is YES, then you will find love.
If your answer is NO, then just think about what you are missing in life.
Additional information about love, loving, being loved.
|Dating/Meeting Tips for Singles|
|Love & Romance Tips|
|Math/Science Fun for Kids|
|Stay in Touch with Kids/Grandkids|
|SOLO for Singles|
|Choose a Personal Matchmaker|
|Romance a Man||Book Reviews|
|Setting Limits||Marry for Yourself|
|Fantasy Marriages||What Is Intimacy?|
|Treat Partner Best||Intimacy and Shared Interests|
|Tips for Living||Lunchbox Notes||Dating/Meeting for Singles|
|Beauty||Happy||Love||Math/Science Fun for Kids||Stay in Touch with Kids/Grandkids|
Green Building and Remodeling
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Note: The opinions expressed herein are exclusively those of the writers and do not necessarily reflect the position of CyberParent. They are not intended to take the place of advice of a health or other professional whose expertise you might need to seek.