Grandchildren: Discipline grandchildren to obey your rules. Grandparents disciplining grandchildren to obey rules at their house requires consistency, enforced consequences. State discipline and rules. When grandkids are disciplined to obey your rules, everyone enjoys their visit more. Children need limits and boundaries in discipline. Discipline methods are different but you still must follow parents' wishes. Check out your discipline rules with parents first.  If they agree with you, discipline grandchild for your rules.

Grandparenting

Discipline Grandchildren to Obey Your Rules.

Joy Stevens

Discipline: When grandparents have rules that conflict with freedoms parents allow, grandchildren will beg for the freedoms. 

 

Consistently enforced rules of grandparents and the consistent discipline necessary make grandchildren and grandparents enjoy outings more.

 

 

"Come on, you guys. It's 9:00 o'clock and time for bed," says David's and Paul's grandmother.

"Oh, come on, Nana. Mom and Dad let us stay up until 10:00 o'clock," says Paul.

"Yeah, Nana, They let us stay up 'til the news starts," whines David."

"Bedtime is at 9:00 o'clock at our house," Nana replies.

"Nana, pleazzze, just another half hour," begs John.

Definitely some discipline and consistent rule leadership needed here.

Nana states again, "Bedtime at our house is at 9:00 o'clock."

Or try this scenario:

"O.K. kids, everyone in the back seat," says Meagan's and Tom's grandfather as they start their trip to the store.

"Oh, Gramps, Mom and Dad let us sit in the front seat now," says Meagan.

"Sorry, Sweetheart, but Nana and I feel like you are safer in the backseat," replies Gramps.

"But we always get to sit in front now," whines Meagan. "I'm five now. I'm big."

"Yeah, Gramps. Mom and Dad know whether we're safe or not and they let us sit up front. Only babies have to sit in the back seat," gripes Tom.

"Pleeeze, Gramps, at least let one of us up front with you. We want to sit with you." manipulates Meagan.

Gramps states again, "Sorry, kids, but in our car, you ride in the back seat."

A familiar rule and discipline scene at grandparents' houses: Nana and Gramps have rules that conflict with freedoms Mom and Dad allow.

 



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What's a grandparent to do?

Nana and Gramps calmly repeat the rule. They don't acknowledge, argue, or pass judgment on the parent's decisions. They simply state and restate the rule at "our" house.

What do you do if (when) the child starts to beg and whine? You repeat the rule simply, firmly, and consistently.

Children learn to nag because it pays off. Grandparents are probably bigger softies than parents. Children discover if they nag hard enough, long enough, and loud enough, the grandparent often gives in. Giving in even once makes children to continue to question discipline.

When the nagging continues, simply state, "Bedtime is at 9:00 o'clock at our house. If you choose to ask again or not to comply with this bedtime, you will choose to go to bed tomorrow night at 8:30."

Or say, "You must ride in the backseat in our car. If you choose to complain or ask about this again, I will go to the store alone."

Notice that the child is making the choice of his/her behavior and the consequence. The grandparent is not punishing the child; the child is making the choice.

This approach to discipline and rules empowers children. They are responsible for their own decisions.

You have continued with consistency. You have concluded with a consequence. All actions have consequences. Notice that if a child chooses to behave in a certain way, he/she selects the consequence.

A grandparent cannot control the rules use by the children's parents. They can only control their own. Some grandparents are afraid of loosing the children's love and affection if they enforce rules and regulations. This never happens.

Children need limits and boundaries. They will consistently test the boundaries. Grandparents must consistently enforce the boundaries to keep their grandchildren safe and to keep visits enjoyable for the grandparents, too. Even grandparenting can be frustrating when children continually test to see if we will be consistent and follow through with consequences.

Your grandchild might be surprised the first time a consequence is enforced, but he/she will soon begin to realize that his/her behaviors have consequences, even at Gramps' and Nana's house. Our grandchildren's behavior will change if we continue to be consistent and use consequences in a calm fashion.

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