Friends should never manipulate you but it is a two-way street. You should never use manipulation techniques for friends.


Does Friendship Include Manipulation?
Friends and Manipulation

Joy Stevens

There are three types of manipulators:
The manipulator who needs to be needed.
The manipulator who wants to take charge.
The manipulator who wants to be pitied and manipulates by appearing weak.

A friends does not manipulate you and you do not use manipulation with your friends.

If you think you could be guilty of manipulation or feel a friend is manipulating you, ask yourself a few questions:

Do we always go to the place my friend prefers or always go to the places I prefer?

Does my friend use humor to put me down or do I do likewise?

Does my friend seem to enjoy correcting factual errors in conversations? Do I?

Do I always seem to seem weak or  "poor me" to a friend or does my friend do this to me?

Do I need my friend enough to be the clutching type or does she/he seem to be clutching at me?

The above are instances of manipulation that have no place in friendship.

According to Alan Loy McGinnis in his book The Friendship Factor, there are three types of manipulators:

  • The manipulator who needs to be needed.
  • The manipulator who wants to take charge.
  • The manipulator who wants to be pitied and manipulates by appearing weak.

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The Friendship Factor How to get closer to the people you care for by Alan Loy McGionnis

We all know people who have countless friends. What is their secret?

The author writes that at the heart of each relationship is the friendship factor and that factor is the essential ingredient of warmth and caring.

The author gives you five ways to deepen all of your relationships, five guidelines for cultivating intimacy, and two ways to handle negative emotions without destroying the relationship.

Best of all McGinnis tells you how to forgive and salvage a faltering friendship or other love relationship.

This small and short (only 191 pages) paperback is quite reasonably priced. It is an excellent book to buy and keep! Book review continued.

Book Review: Copyright 1999 CyberParent. All rights reserved

Additional information about friends and friendship.

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Friend-Friendship Directory. Friendship Defined.
Building Friendships. What Is Friendship?

Conversations with Friends.

Toxic Friends-Friendships.
Maintaining Friendships. Friendships Do End.
Friends and Manipulation. Friendship is comfortable.
Losing a Friend. 12 Steps to Grow a Friend.
People Equal Friends. Friends Equal Talk .
Friends Acknowledge Friends. Friends Listen to Friends.
Friends Attend to Friends. Friends Show Empathy.
Friends Touch. Friends Praise Friends.
Friends Are Loyal. Friends Are Equal.
Friends Reveal Feelings. Friends Do Not Mind Read.

Friends Don't Manipulate Friends.

Setting Limits in Friendships.
Review The Friendship Factor. Review When Friendship Hurts.
Review The Friendship Crisis.

Green Building and Remodeling

Copyright 1997-2006 CyberParent. All rights reserved.

Note: The opinions expressed herein are exclusively those of the writers and do not necessarily reflect the position of CyberParent. They are not intended to take the place of advice of a health professional whose advice you might need to seek.