Friendship: So, tell your friends and lovers what you want and what you need. Otherwise you will be stuck in infantile relationships that can never grow to be "best friends." |
If you are going to grow a friend, you must discard or break your
crystal ball! Why? No one can read your mind. You can't read anyone's mind. The person who thinks, "If you really liked me, you could read my mind" can not have an adult relationship with another person. All of us would like our friends to be so attuned to us that they know our moods and our needs instinctively. That rarely happens and never happens with any consistency. No one will ever be able to meet your needs if they don't know what your needs are. It is true that you take risks when you let your needs be known. You may be turned down and hurt. However, when you are expecting your friends to read your mind and satisfy your needs without your input, you are going to be disappointed and hurt without your friends ever knowing why. This is a common fallacy of friendships and even marriages. When asked if he had told his wife he wanted her to ride bicycles with him, one husband snapped, "Of course I didn't tell her. After all these years of marriage, she should know!" The sad thing is she will probably never know unless he tells her. |
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