Building friendships takes time and building friendships takes effort. Friendships are built slowly. Friendships require self-disclosure so any friendship has risks, Talking builds friendships and listening builds friendships.
Friendships from Casual Friends
Attending builds friendships and acknowledging builds friendships. Friendships require equality and friendships require loyalty from friends. It takes three years to build true friendship.
|In most cases, the transition from
acquaintance to friendship occurs gradually. We reach out to offer friendship by offering
a potential friend caring, listening, talking, sharing, accepting, and affirming. It takes
time and effort to build a friendship. They are built slowly, slowly, slowly...
Yet, nothing can add more to your life than having truly intimate friends. "Just friends" is a goal worth pursuing!
Friendships can take up to three years to build! And building friendships is much the same for children as adults, but a bit quicker!
Self-Disclosure builds friendships.
Self-disclosure is usually the first step in establishing a confidant. And it is scary because of the potential rejection factor. Do it anyway!
Start by sharing a few private thoughts and/or feelings with one person you might want for a close friend. If the person is responsive, he/she will usually share a personal thought or two with you.
If he/she is not responsive to your overtures, don't think of this as a rejection.People may be non-responsive for reasons of their own or merely as a perception of yours. Nevertheless, they can't be rejecting you because they don't even know you yet.
Listening and acknowledging builds friendships.
Often when your child, lover/partner, or friend tells you a story or voices a complaint, he/she is just asking for acknowledgment.
This does not mean that he/she wants agreement or compliance; it merely indicates a desire to be heard and understood.
Try these three steps to acknowledgment:
Many conflicts in your personal relationships can be avoided if you will take the time to acknowledge other's feelings and points of view. For more information about acknowledgement, click here.
Listening and attending builds friendships.
Paying attention to someone is called "attending." It means that your ears, your eyes, your body and your feelings are all focused on that person at one time. Attending is a very important part of any relationship. It includes:
Looking at and focusing on another person shows that you are "there for him/her." For more information on attending, click here.
Talking Is a Primary Building Block of Friendships.
Talking is an integral component of friendship.
When a friend talks and reveals ideas or feelings, he/she is expecting shared information in return. When the talk is not equal, the person talking feels as if the listener is uninterested.
In fact, the person who is always the listener is really playing the role of a counselor, not a friend. Anytime you have been talking for more than a minute or two without participation from the person you are talking to, you are lecturing, bossing, or putting that person in the role of a counselor.
Loyalty, Equality, and Respect build friendship.
Friends are equal. Without equality, you can't have a close friendship.
Friends are loyal and trustworthy. No one can confide in someone they can not trust to be loyal and to keep his/her secrets.
Friends have similar values. Our value system is so important to us that our friends' values must be close to our own or we will not have respect for this friend.
Allow Time for Friendships to Grow!
Jan Yager, Ph.D. , author of Friendshifts, says that it takes at least three years for "best friends" to evolve. She writes, "One of the reasons tried-and-true friendships take three years to evolve is that working through initial conflicts will determine if a friendship has staying power."
Additional information about friends and friendship.
CyberParent Recommended Reading for More Information:
|Friend-Friendship Directory.||Friendship Defined.|
|Building Friendships.||What Is Friendship?|
|Maintaining Friendships.||Friendships Do End.|
|Friends and Manipulation.||Friendship is comfortable.|
|Losing a Friend.||12 Steps to Grow a Friend.|
|People Equal Friends.||Friends Equal Talk .|
|Friends Acknowledge Friends.||Friends Listen to Friends.|
|Friends Attend to Friends.||Friends Show Empathy.|
|Friends Touch.||Friends Praise Friends.|
|Friends Are Loyal.||Friends Are Equal.|
|Friends Reveal Feelings.||Friends Do Not Mind Read.|
|Setting Limits in Friendships.|
|Review The Friendship Factor.||Review When Friendship Hurts.|
|Review The Friendship Crisis.|
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Copyright © 1997-2006 CyberParent. All rights reserved.
Note: The opinions expressed herein are exclusively those of the writers and do not necessarily reflect the position of CyberParent. They are not intended to take the place of advice of a health professional whose advice you might need to seek.