Abuses: Are you being mentally, emotionally, or verbally abused? Men and women can be abused or abusers.

Abuse

Understanding Mental and Emotional or Psychological Abuse.
Are You Being Mentally/Emotionally/Verbally Abused?

Bob Carver

A common form of emotional or psychological abuse is "I love you, but..." That sounds so sweet, yet it is both a disguised criticism and a threat. Males and females can be abused and abusers.

Women and men can be verbal abusers.: The following  recurring thoughts indicate you are being mentally or emotionally abused by your spouse or lover.

"Sandy has no right to do that."  
"I had better not tell Harry or he will be mad again."
"I'd better keep this private to avoid being criticized again."
"I  can never do anything right with Chris."  
"I  can't stand it when Erin does that to me."
"Sometimes I think Natalie is tearing me apart with her mouth."
"Bob is always so sarcastic."
"When Pat talks to me like that I feel really small."

 

 

 

All abuse takes a toll on self-esteem. The abused person starts feeling helpless and possibly even hopeless. In addition, most emotional abusers are adept at convincing the victim that the abuse is his/her fault. Somehow, the victim is responsible for what happened.

Emotional abuse can take the form  of:
  • Extramarital  affairs 
  • Provocative behavior with opposite sex
  • Humiliation and put-downs  
  • Hypercriticism  
  • Refusal to communicate
  • Use of sarcasm and unpleasant tone of voice
  • Unreasonable jealousy  
  • Extreme  moodiness
  • "I love you but..."
  • "If you don't shape up, I will..."
  • Domination  and control
  • Withdrawal of affection

A common form of emotional abuse is "I love you, but..." That sounds so sweet, yet it is both a disguised criticism and a threat. It indicates, "I love you now, but if you don't stop such-and such, that love is of short duration." It is a constant put-down that works on your self-esteem.

.

 



 

And mental abuse often has some threat involved such as, "If you don't shape up, I will..."

"If you leave me, I'll go off without a trace. You and the kids will never find me and never get a penny from me."

All abuse takes a toll on self-esteem. The abused person starts feeling helpless and possibly even hopeless.

In addition, most emotional abusers are adept at convincing the victim that the abuse is his/her fault. Somehow, the victim is responsible for what happened.

Mental abuse is a blow of death to your self-esteem. Often the first step in leaving the abuse is obtaining counseling to rebuild that esteem.

Bob Carver is a relationship coach and a family mediator in Dallas, Texas.

CyberParent: Readers' Comments

I live in Dallas, and have only in the last few months, realized that my husband of eight years is verbally abusive with me. As many of your articles say, it's taken a while to actually realize this. My self-esteem is so low. I hurt so badly inside. I honestly believe that at least with physical abuse, there's something concrete to show an outsider. How do I extract my broken will and damaged psyche and show anyone how I feel?

This morning I was told I could never disagree with him. That indeed our eight years of fighting was my fault, as I as not submissive, as The Bible instructs women to be. That if we were in a Middle Eastern country, he would sell me.

I have financially supported this man for eight years while he worked on his music "career". I have given up many, many things so that he could pursue his dream. I've been so mentally broken that I don't even remember what my dreams used to be. I feel more worthless every day, when it comes to him.

Honestly, I don't ever see him looking at himself as abusive. How do I gather the courage to leave, when I don't want to? I want to get him some professional medical help. Suggestions?
   L.


I left a mentally and emotionally abusive "functional" alcoholic after a long marriage--when the youngest child was 18 and with kids still going to college. His final abuse was to tell me he would not send our kids to college if I took any part of "his" company. So, I pretty much left penniless because I was afraid for our kids if I called his bluff.

Penniless or not, it was the best move I have ever made. 
   T.


Outstanding Links
Singles Personals 
Connections 
SOLO for Singles 
Abuse 
Alternative Medicine 
Baby's Sign Language 
Be a Matchmaker 
Birthday Book 
Blended Family 
Books 
Boys: Parenting 
Breast Feeding  
Choose Personal Matchmaker 
Communication 
Discipline Your Child 
Divorce 
Dr. Luv 
Eating Healthy 
Ecovillage 
Elder Housing 
Esteem for Children 
Family 
Fitness 
Friendship 
Gender Understanding 
Games for Kids
  
Gifts 
Gifts for Men 
Gifts for Women 
Girls: Parenting 
Grandparents 
Halloween 
Heart Express  
Holistic Health 
Homefront 
Kids' Activities 
Kids' Games 
Kids' Toys 
Intimate Lovers 
Love & Chemistry 
Love & Marriage 
Men 
Nutrition 
Organic Gardening 
Organic Food 
Parenting 
Rainforest 
Recipes 
Romance 
Second Marriage 
Senior Cohousing
 
Seniors 
Shopping Place 
Single Parents 
Spoiling Infants 
Sports & Recreation 
Stepparents 
Stress 
Teach Kids Right/Wrong 
Teens: by/for teens 
Timeout 
Toys for Kids 
Traveling 
Travel with Kids 
Walking 
Wedding 
Wheels 
Women 
You 
Dating Web 
Dating Again 
Dating Tips 
Dating with Kids 
Dinner-Match  
Earth Singles 
Intimacy-Opposite Sex 
Local Singles Webs 
Loneliness 
Love Poems & Quotes 
Lying and Dating 
Relationships 
Safely Single 
Self-Esteem 
Shy 
Single Rose 
Single Seniors 
Singles Meet 
Singles Store 
Speed Dating 
Suddenly Single 
DFW e-MAG 

Living Tips 
Beauty Tips 
Dating/Meeting Tips for Singles 
Happiness 
Love & Romance Tips 
Lunchbox Notes 
Math/Science Fun for Kids 
Stay in Touch with Kids-Grandkids 

Free Newsletters 
Singles 
Senior Cohousing  
DFW Earth/Green Living 





More Abuse Information

1558505822.gif (6412 bytes)
Book Review
Buy this book

0275958620.gif (6045 bytes)
Book Review
Buy this book


1558503048.jpg (4817 bytes)
Book Review
Buy this book


Book Review

Buy this book

 

Contact 
Copyright 1997-2010 CyberParent, LLC. All rights reserved.

Note: The opinions expressed herein are exclusively those of the writers or other participants and do not necessarily reflect the position of CyberParent. They are not intended to take the place of advice of a health, legal, or other professional whose expertise you might need to seek.