Abuse: Abusive relationships: Questions, letters, venting and pleas for help from CyberParent readers.

I guess I'll start from the beginning. my brother divorced about 4 years ago,
it was a nasty divorce, with the mother using the child as a pawn in the
divorce. My brother was not one to fight back and therefore made the divorce
go as quickly as possible. When the divorce was over joint custody was
granted. When visitation began my nephew began displaying signs of mental
abuse such as, saying he was left alone, his mommy wouldn't talk to
him...mostly petty things. but we all took them as in he was playing his
mother and father against each other.

In September of 97 my brother committed suicide. leaving his son with his
mother. She has been so far accommodating to the visitation for our family.
However the problem of the stories has gotten worse. He throws extreme fits
(he is 6 years old)to the point that he hurts himself. I saw him last night and he had scratches
all over his face. I had asked him how he had gotten them and he said that
"his mommy wasn't listening to him". I am just barely skimming the top of
everything that has happened with his mother. She treats him like an adult,
such as asking him 2 days after his father died, "If mommy died who do you want
to live with"..... mind you he had just turned 5 at this time.

Bottom line my
question is....is there anything I can do to help him...his mother doesn't see
that there is anything wrong with him....everytime I see him he falls further
into his own world which isn't anywhere close to reality.

Please advise
Thank you

How do you regain self esteem after being in a completely draining abusive relationship? I have
been verbally, physically, and financially abused and am just trying to recover myself and even trust
men again. I am 28, people I trust think I am very attractive, I still look young enough to be asked for
my identification but I have no self esteem anymore. I just need to know how I can build it. I have been
in one only verbally abusive relationship with a alcoholic left him for a super cute, 24 year old
charmer and found myself after two years being verbally, physically abused since he thought I was
cheating on him after we were to be married in 3 months. Of course, I was NOT unfaithful to him but
he is a Latin, extremely jealous obsessive man who always obsessed about thinking I was cheating
on him. Finally, he exploded tearing up my apartment, throwing a chair at my beautiful piano, broke
the front door, and through me to the ground as hard as he could. I have left him, kicked him out of
the apartment. But, he tries to come back all charismatic and I really do not have much self esteem
to move on. After I found out he was telling my friends I was a whore after we broke up, I have
decided to call block him and never let him back into my life again.  It is hard to trust another man
and build my self esteem again. Any suggestions ? I am a successful, financially self sufficient
woman(self employed) who somehow the men I have been involved with feel very inferior to this.
Economically, they were not equal and seemed to take it out on me for being successful. I am now
going to counseling to break the cycle because I cannot waste any more time in this kind of
relationship.
KP

My sisters & I have recently found out from our mother that our father has had
several extramarital affairs over the course of their 28 years of marriage.
We have also found out that our father has started to physically abuse our
mother. Because none of us lives at home anymore, we do not know the full
extent of the emotional & physical abuse. What can we do to intervene for our
mother? How should we confront our father?
MJ

Answer

Maybe you could start by talking to your mother.  In the long run, she will have to
help herself but you can certainly lend support, emotionally and financially.

Good luck,
EL

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